據(jù)報(bào)道，當(dāng)伴侶雙方都認(rèn)為另一半有幽默感時(shí)，他們比起那些認(rèn)為對(duì)方一點(diǎn)也不幽默的夫婦爭(zhēng)執(zhí)減少了67%。——德·克寧和維斯在2002年提出
Want your marriage to last more than 30 years? Just “being married” isn’t enough: you also need to be good friends。
想要婚姻長(zhǎng)過30年?只是“結(jié)婚”并不夠：你們也要成為好朋友。
In studies of people happily married more than three decades, the quality of friendship between the partners was the single most frequently cited factor in the relationships’ success. – Bachand and Caron 2001
研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，夫婦之間的深厚友誼被視為超過30年美滿婚姻的唯一最常見因素。—巴尚和卡隆在2001年講道。
4. Relate
4. 兩人有共同點(diǎn)
Opposites do not attract. Couples that are similar do much better. Pairs that lasted longer than five years usually had a number of interests in common。
對(duì)立的兩人不會(huì)互相吸引。相似的兩人感情會(huì)更好。在一起長(zhǎng)達(dá)五年以上的兩個(gè)人通常有很多共同的興趣。
In comparing couples who remained together more than five years with couples who split up, researchers found that the couples who stayed together were 64 percent more likely to be able to identify multiple shared interests. – Bachand and Caron 2001
研究人員發(fā)現(xiàn)，當(dāng)比較在一起五年以上小兩口和分手的情侶時(shí)，情感長(zhǎng)久的伴侶們發(fā)現(xiàn)雙方多個(gè)共同興趣的可能性高64%。—巴尚和卡隆在2001年講道
Having similar values offers a huge boost in the ability to communicate。
相似的價(jià)值觀能夠極大地促進(jìn)交流。
The degree to which couples have similar values does not change over the course of their relationship. Those with similar values, however, are 22 percent more likely to rate their communication habits positively. – Acitelli, Kenny, and Weiner 2001
伴侶雙方價(jià)值觀的相似程度在相處過程中是不變的。然而，價(jià)值觀相似的兩個(gè)人有22%更高的可能性會(huì)正面評(píng)價(jià)他們的交流習(xí)慣。——阿塞特利，肯尼和韋納在2001年講道
Believe it or not, even having similar fighting styles was a good thing。
信不信由你——甚至有相似的爭(zhēng)吵風(fēng)格也是好事噢!
It was related to double digit drops in conflict and a double digit increase in satisfaction。
有較多相似之處的夫婦會(huì)讓爭(zhēng)吵降低兩位數(shù)，讓滿意度增加兩位數(shù)噢!
5. Review
5. 不斷回顧和提升
Many people are probably reading this, identifying the good things they already do and feeling smug. Sorry, you can’t stop there. Relationships are not a “check the box and you’re done” kind of thing. You need to keep at it, monitoring and improving。
很多人在讀這篇文章的時(shí)候，看到了他們已經(jīng)做到的好的方面，可能正在飄飄然呢。不好意思，這些還不夠!感情不是“給答題框打個(gè)勾就搞定”的事情。你需要保持下去，悉心經(jīng)營(yíng)，同時(shí)不斷提升。
Plenty of research shows that conscientiousness is a great quality to have in a spouse or partner. Having a partner who is consistently reliable often means a healthy relationship with less conflict。
諸多研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，盡責(zé)是一個(gè)伴侶身上非常優(yōu)秀的品質(zhì)。有一個(gè)總是可以信任的伴侶意味著一個(gè)健康的情感關(guān)系和更少的爭(zhēng)吵。
People who consider their partner conscientious, a person who consistently does what they say they are going to do, were 26 percent more likely to rate their relationship healthy and reported 41 percent less conflict in their relationship. Dependability was rated among the most desired qualities in a partner. – Watson, Hubbard, and Wiese 2000
認(rèn)為伴侶可信且總是說(shuō)到做到的人，有26%更高的可能性認(rèn)為自己有著健康的情感關(guān)系，雙方相處中的爭(zhēng)吵也少了41%。——沃森，哈伯德和維澤在2000年提出
One More Thing
最后一點(diǎn)
Never forget that, in the end, all relationships are about feelings. Especially when fighting, we get caught up in the facts, the details, the words… And what’s funny is little of that ends up mattering。
永遠(yuǎn)別忘了，最終，所有的感情都和感覺有關(guān)。尤其在爭(zhēng)吵時(shí)，我們深陷于事實(shí)，細(xì)節(jié)和話語(yǔ)之中…滑稽的是，最終這些都無(wú)關(guān)緊要。
When surveyed about their arguments, people mentioned feelings and tone ten times as much as the topic of debate. 25% of people couldn’t even remember what the argument was about — but they all remembered how it made them feel。
對(duì)伴侶間的爭(zhēng)吵進(jìn)行調(diào)研時(shí)，人們提到當(dāng)時(shí)的感覺和語(yǔ)氣比提及爭(zhēng)論的話題多出10倍。25%的人甚至不記得當(dāng)初為何爭(zhēng)吵—但他們都記得當(dāng)時(shí)自己的感覺。
As Maya Angelou once said: People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel。
如瑪雅·安吉羅曾講過的：人們會(huì)忘記你說(shuō)過的話，會(huì)忘記你做過的事，卻永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)忘記你帶給他們的感覺。
