新概念雙語(yǔ)：看完任務(wù)清單再?zèng)Q定是不是要孩子吧

全面二孩的熱度似乎還沒(méi)有過(guò)去，大家都沉浸在可以生二胎的喜悅里……但是請(qǐng)問(wèn)各位躍躍欲試“要生生一打”的各位——別說(shuō)二胎了，生一個(gè)，你真的覺(jué)得能hold住嘛!看看《每日郵報(bào)》為大家準(zhǔn)備的育兒任務(wù)清單吧!如果你覺(jué)得自己能搞定，那么恭喜你——你做好生娃的準(zhǔn)備了;如果不能……英語(yǔ)君還是勸你三思而后行吧……

Task 1 10am： Put a just-fed， super-sleepy octopus in a crib. Attempt to get all eight limbs into the small eight holes of an octopus sleeping bag. It screams， because it‘s a new species of screaming octopus.

早晨10點(diǎn)任務(wù)一：把剛剛喂好、困頓無(wú)比的小八爪魚(yú)放到嬰兒床里。試試看把八肢放進(jìn)八爪魚(yú)睡袋的八個(gè)洞洞里。八爪魚(yú)驚聲尖叫，因?yàn)檫@是愛(ài)嚎叫的新品種八爪魚(yú)。

Task 2 11am： Pick up 10kg of flour from the supermarket. Whilst carrying it， continue normal tasks， including smiling when strangers poke your flour and ask its gender. At two-hourly-intervals during your day， stick a pencil into the flour so it leaks out everywhere， then wash the ensuing floor mess and your clothes， re-package the flour， and carry on with the rest of your day， whilst never putting down the flour.

早晨11點(diǎn)任務(wù)二：從超市選購(gòu)10公斤面粉。背面粉的時(shí)候，常規(guī)任務(wù)繼續(xù)，包括陌生人戳你面粉問(wèn)性別時(shí)你得微笑。白天每隔兩小時(shí)，戳一支鉛筆到面粉里，面粉撒漏一地，接踵而來(lái)的是衣服沾粉、滿地狼藉，你著手清洗、重新裝好面粉袋，接下來(lái)的時(shí)間繼續(xù)忙活，但絕不能放下那袋面粉。

Task 3 12pm： Wearing your best top， pour some water over both breast regions and go out for the afternoon. Every hour， add a splat of smelly thick white liquid to your top. Every meal time， ask your dining companion to throw colourful food at you， ideally staining foods.

12點(diǎn)任務(wù)三：穿上你最得體的上裝，在胸前撒點(diǎn)水，然后下午出門在外。每小時(shí)在上衣上加一灘濃稠的白色液體。每到餐點(diǎn)都讓飯搭子朝你扔各色食物，最好是會(huì)留下污漬的那種。

Task 4 1pm： Download an app that blares out hissing sounds and place it next to a dozing time bomb. Try to shower， dry your hair， go to the loo， cook a meal， clear up your house， get ready to go out and catch up on emails in the 23 seconds the time bomb stays silent.

下午1點(diǎn)任務(wù)四：下載一個(gè)會(huì)嘶嘶作響的應(yīng)用，接著旁邊設(shè)置瞌睡定時(shí)。試著趕在定時(shí)炸彈安靜的23秒內(nèi)完成淋浴、吹頭發(fā)、去洗手間、做飯、打掃房間、做出門準(zhǔn)備、看完郵件這一系列動(dòng)作。

Task 5 2pm： Walk to your nearest tube station whilst pushing two heavy suitcases full of necessities for the day， with your screaming octopus strapped to your front in a Baby Bjorn. Ideally do so on a rainy day， wearing an enormous raincoat that covers you and the carrier， but which makes the octopus ANGRY.

下午2點(diǎn)任務(wù)五：走到最近的地鐵站去，手里推著兩個(gè)裝滿生活日用品的行李箱，胸前Babybjorn(來(lái)自瑞典的專業(yè)嬰兒用品品牌)背帶上綁著你大叫不止的八爪魚(yú)。最好是雨天這么來(lái)，穿上大雨衣，蒙住你和大箱子，但你的小八爪魚(yú)會(huì)抓狂。

Task 6 7pm： Put an alarm clock in a crib. Pat its snooze button for two hours from 7pm so it stays hush. Now have it go off every hour. Have your alarm clock finally settle down at 6.30， half an hour before your iPhone alarm will go off waking you for the day.

晚上7點(diǎn)任務(wù)六：把鬧鐘放到嬰兒床里。從晚上7點(diǎn)起輕點(diǎn)貪睡模式按鈕確保不鬧。然后，每小時(shí)鬧一次鈴。六點(diǎn)半時(shí)讓你的鬧鐘消停，也就比你的蘋(píng)果手機(jī)呼喚你起床早半小時(shí)。

Task 7 Next day： Tell a friend about your day struggling with a wriggling， screaming octopus， crazy sleep-depriving alarm clock， tempestuous time bomb， heavy lugging-about flour， ruined clothing and travel desperation.

第二天任務(wù)七：第二天你和朋友談你的八爪魚(yú)扭來(lái)扭去尖叫不止、鬧鐘剝奪你睡眠、定時(shí)炸彈狂暴躁動(dòng)，說(shuō)你和面粉拉鋸、衣服盡毀、熱切渴望出游。