新概念雙語：戀愛小貼士：初次約會的4個技巧

1.Talk Travel,Not Movies

1.談旅游，別談電影

Ina study by Richard Wiseman, less than 9% ofcouples that talked movies wanted a second date vs 18% of couplesthat talked about travel。

在理查德·懷斯曼做的一項研究中，想要第二次約會的人中，雙方談論電影的不到9%，而雙方談論旅行的占了18%。

When talkingabout movies, less than 9 percent of the pairs wanted to meet upagain, compared to 18 percent when participants spoke about the toptopic—travel… theconversations about travel tended to revolve around great holidaysand dream destinations, and that makes people feel good and soappear more attractive to one another。

如果約會時談論電影，那只有不到9%的約會雙方會想再次見面，相比之下，如果談論旅游，就有18%的人想要第二次約會…關于旅游的對話往往圍繞著休閑的假期和夢想的旅游勝地而展開，旅游度假這個話題使人感覺良好，這個話題能讓雙方都互相更有吸引力。

2.It’sNot Just What You Talk About, It’s How YouTalk

2.不在于你談什么，而在于你怎么談

Add to what theysay and bounce the ball back.This is how to have smooth first dateconversation。

把對方談的話題進行補充，再把問題拋給對方，進行新一輪交流。這樣才是第一次約會順利交談愉快聊天的方式。

Avoid extremes inautonomy. Don’t dominate, butdon’t be a non-contributor either。

不要極端地把控話語權。不占主導地位，但也不要做完全被動的角色。

3.ShareSecrets

分享秘密

Emotional,personal information exchange during first date conversationpromotes powerful feelings of connection。

第一次約會交流感情、互相交換個人信息能大大促進感情的聯(lián)系。

A psychologist atthe State University of New York at Stony Brook, is interested inhow people form romantic relationships, and he’s come up withan ingenious way of taking men and women who havenever met before and making them feel close to one another. Giventhat he has just an hour or so to create the intimacy levels thattypically take weeks, months, or years to form, he accelerated thegetting-to-know-you process through a set of thirty-six questionscrafted to take the participants rapidly from level one inMcAdams’s system to level two。

紐約州立大學斯托尼布魯克分校的一位心理學家對于人們是如何形成浪漫關系這方面的研究很感興趣，他想出了一個巧妙的計策把從來沒有見過面的男女讓他們感覺彼此親近。通常需要幾周、幾個月或幾年的時間才能產(chǎn)生親密感，而通過這一策略用一小時左右的時間就可以，他通過制定了一組問題，包括36個問題對參與者進行測試，就加速了美好感覺的產(chǎn)生過程，在麥克亞當斯的系統(tǒng)中，級別迅速從一級提升到二級。

But how effectivecan this be, really?

但效果到底如何?真有這么神奇嗎?

In under an hourit can create a connection stronger than a lifelongfriendship。

在一個小時內建立起來的感情比終身友誼的感情更強烈。

What he found wasstriking. The intensity of the dialogue partners’ bond at the end ofthe forty-five-minute vulnerability interaction was rated as closerthan the closest relationship in the lives of 30 percent of similarstudents. In other words, the instant connectionswere more powerful than many long-term, even lifelongrelationships。

他的發(fā)現(xiàn)非常驚人。45分鐘的對話時間結束雙方所建立起來的親密感，類似30%的學生在生活中行成的最親密的感情。換句話說，即時建立起來的親密感超越了許多長期培養(yǎng)的感情，甚至比終身培養(yǎng)起來的感情還要強大。

4.ChooseControversial Over Dull Every Time

4.每次約會的爭論氣氛勝于沉悶氣氛

If all elsefails, talk about abortions and STD’s。

如果其他話題都爭論不起來的話，爭論一下墮胎和性病傳播這類問題。

Forcing people todiscuss interesting but more controversial topics made for moreenjoyable first date conversation。

迫使大家討論有意思但更有爭議性的話題，營造這樣的氣氛會讓第一次約會交談的氣氛更令人愉快。

We limited thetype of discussions that online daters could engage in byeliminating their ability to ask anything that they wanted andgiving them a preset list of questions andallowingthem to ask only thesequestions. The questions we chose had nothing to do with theweather and how many brothers and sisters they have, and insteadall the questions were interesting and personally revealing(ie.,“how many romantic partners did you have?”， “When was yourlast breakup?”， “Do you have any STDs?”， “Have you ever brokensomeone’s heart?”， “How do you feel about abortion?”)… Instead oftalking about the World Cup or their favorite desserts, they sharedtheir innermost fears or told the story of losing their virginity.Everyone, both sender and replier, was happier with theinteraction…What we learned from this little experiment is thatwhen people are free to choose what type of discussions they wantto have, they often gravitate toward an equilibrium that is easy tomaintain but one that no one really enjoys or benefitsfrom。我們對網(wǎng)上交友者所討論的話題限定類型，不允許想問什么就問什么，把可以問的問題給他們列出一個表，只允許他們問這些問題。我們選擇的問題與天氣無關，也不問有多少兄弟姐妹，所有的問題都很有意思，而且都能從問題的回答中看出每個人的個性(如，“你談過多少次戀愛?”“你上一次分手是什么時候?”“你有性病嗎?”“你傷過別人的心嗎?”“你對墮胎這個問題怎么看?”)…不談論世界杯或自己喜歡的甜點，分享彼此內心深處的恐懼或者告訴對方自己失身的秘密。每個人既要向對方講述自己的故事也要傾聽對方的傾訴，進行快樂互動…我們從這個小實驗中可以了解到大家自由選擇自己想要討論什么話題，他們往往傾向平衡易于維護，但不會從中體驗到真正的愉悅感受或從中受益。