“No man is an island。”

“沒(méi)有人是一座孤島。”

Indeed, people are relationship-driven creatures. We are present in this world in order to relate to others and establish a solid community. It goes without saying that we need to communicate with each other in order to fulfill this purpose, though。

的確，人類是人際關(guān)系型的生物。我們存在于這個(gè)世界，就是為了和他人交往，并建立起一個(gè)可靠的群體。而毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)，我們需要彼此交流才能實(shí)現(xiàn)這個(gè)目標(biāo)。

It is our responsibility to engage our colleagues in a nourishing and productive conversation. Through good communication, romantic relationships, business partnerships and even product selling have all been implemented. Good communication skills are the foundation of a long-lasting relationship. How can you develop them? You can start by omitting these ten most common mistakes in a conversation from your communication bank:

我們有責(zé)任把我們的同伴吸引到一場(chǎng)內(nèi)容豐富且富有成效的對(duì)話中來(lái)。通過(guò)好的交流，我們可以確立戀愛(ài)關(guān)系，建立商務(wù)合作，甚至可以推銷產(chǎn)品。好的交流技巧是一段長(zhǎng)期持久的關(guān)系的基礎(chǔ)。那你應(yīng)該如何培養(yǎng)這種技巧呢?我們可以首先把這10個(gè)聊天中常犯的錯(cuò)誤清除掉。

1. Do you speak quickly?

你的語(yǔ)速是否過(guò)快?

You’re in a brand new situation with a person you’ve just met, so it’s understandable that you became nervous. Since you didn’t have enough time to compose yourself, you blabbered and spoke too much and too fast. Because of this, the person you’re talking to wasn’t able to understand any word you’ve said。

你面對(duì)的是一個(gè)剛剛認(rèn)識(shí)的人，這是一種全新的場(chǎng)面，所以你感覺(jué)緊張也是可以理解的。因?yàn)槟銢](méi)有足夠的時(shí)間來(lái)組織語(yǔ)言，你開(kāi)始喋喋不休，說(shuō)話太多而且太快。這樣，跟你交談的人就沒(méi)有辦法理解你所說(shuō)的任何一個(gè)字。

Solution: Nervousness brings about the common mistakes in a conversation, so to combat this, just breathe deeply and smile. Assume that the person you’re talking to is interested in what you have to say. Put some pauses in your statements。

解決辦法：緊張會(huì)讓我們?cè)诹奶熘谐３７稿e(cuò)，為了克服這一點(diǎn)，請(qǐng)深呼吸，并且微笑。假設(shè)和你聊天的這個(gè)人對(duì)你所說(shuō)的內(nèi)容很感興趣。在講話當(dāng)中加入一些停頓。

2. Do you ask too many questions?

你的問(wèn)題是否太多?

The conversation sounds like a police interrogation with you asking too many questions and your partner scrambles to answer all of them. As a result, connection is made and no relationship is built。

如果你問(wèn)的問(wèn)題太多，而和你聊天的人倉(cāng)促作答，這種聊天聽(tīng)上去就好像警察在審問(wèn)。結(jié)果是你們雖然在聊天，但沒(méi)有建立起任何關(guān)系。

Solution: Follow this structure:

解決辦法：按照這個(gè)結(jié)構(gòu)來(lái)：

a. Ask a general question。

問(wèn)一個(gè)一般性的問(wèn)題。

b. Consider his answer。

考慮他的回答。

c. Give feedback about his answer and then answer the question you’ve asked。

針對(duì)他的回答做出回應(yīng)，然后回答你提出的這個(gè)問(wèn)題。

d. Wait for him to respond. If he replies with a question, good. If he replies with a statement, repeat what he said and wait for him to elaborate。

等待他的回應(yīng)。如果他用一個(gè)問(wèn)題作為回應(yīng)，很好。如果他用一段陳述作為回應(yīng)，重復(fù)他所說(shuō)的，然后等待他詳細(xì)解釋。

3. Are your statements scripted?

你講話是不是像念稿子?

You’re going to make a sale, so you memorized your company’s sales script, even though your conversation partner isn’t really reacting based on what you’ve memorized. Confusion arises。

你要去推銷某樣?xùn)|西，所以你背下了公司的銷售文稿，盡管聽(tīng)你講話的人對(duì)你所說(shuō)的并沒(méi)有做出真正的回應(yīng)。你會(huì)感到很困惑。

Solution: Focus on building trust first. You can never seal a deal if your prospect doesn’t really trust you。

解決辦法：首先專注于建立信任。如果你的客戶不能真正信任你，你不可能賣出任何東西。

4. Do you hog the spotlight?

你是否霸占了聊天的焦點(diǎn)?

You walk way too much: about yourself, your job, your dreams and frustrations. Pretty soon, the person you’re talking too feels like he just attended a whole-day seminar about you。

你講了太多東西，關(guān)于你自己、你的工作、你的夢(mèng)想和困惑。很快，和你聊天的人就會(huì)感覺(jué)他好像只是來(lái)出席了一場(chǎng)關(guān)于你的全天候講座。

Solution: Ask for your partner’s opinion。

解決辦法： 詢問(wèn)伙伴的意見(jiàn)。

- “My favorite topic is about personal finance. How about you?”

比如“我最愛(ài)的話題是關(guān)于個(gè)人財(cái)務(wù)。你呢?”

5. Is your objective missing?

你是否失去了談話的目標(biāo)?

You discuss bland topics and end the conversation with no real outcome. Were you supposed to build trust? Preempt a sale? Invite a prospect? No-one knows!

你討論的話題寡淡無(wú)趣，最后聊天結(jié)束了也沒(méi)有真正的結(jié)果。你是否本來(lái)計(jì)劃著建立信任?搞定一單買賣?邀請(qǐng)一位朋友?結(jié)果沒(méi)有人知道。

Solution: Adult communication isn’t superficial—it exists to fulfill a purpose. What type of purpose? Define this first before entering a conversation。

解決辦法：成年人的交流并不是膚淺的，而是為了實(shí)現(xiàn)一項(xiàng)目標(biāo)。什么類型的目標(biāo)呢?在開(kāi)始聊天之前就要確定這一點(diǎn)。

6. Do you have to be right all the time?

你是否任何時(shí)候都必須是正確的?

Every conversation seems like a battlefield to you. You have to make everyone agree with what you have to say, so you never back down. You’re always right, right?

每一場(chǎng)聊天對(duì)你來(lái)說(shuō)都如同戰(zhàn)場(chǎng)。你要讓每個(gè)人都同意你所說(shuō)的，所以你從來(lái)不會(huì)讓步。你總是對(duì)的，是嗎?

Solution: Accept the fact that everyone is entitled to his own opinions. You don’t need to force them into agreeing with you—they’ll just choose to walk away from you instead. Arrogance causes some of these common mistakes in a conversation to happen. Stay humble。

解決辦法：每個(gè)人都有權(quán)有自己的觀點(diǎn)，要接受這個(gè)事實(shí)。你沒(méi)有必要強(qiáng)迫他人同意你，否則他們會(huì)選擇遠(yuǎn)離你。自大會(huì)讓你在聊天中犯這種常見(jiàn)的錯(cuò)誤，要謙虛。

7. Do you talk about awkward topics with a person you barely know?

你是否和一個(gè)你不怎么了解的人談?wù)搶擂蔚脑掝}?

“Hey, I just met you, but listen to me talk about my past relationships, my nagging digestive problems and my balding hair。”

“嗨，我們剛認(rèn)識(shí)，不過(guò)聽(tīng)我來(lái)聊聊我之前的戀情，我討厭的消化問(wèn)題還有我的禿頭吧。”

Solution: Stay away from topics involving religion, sex, politics and negativity, especially when you’ve just become acquainted with someone. Focus on safe topics such as hobbies, common interests and the topic of the conference you’re in。

解決辦法：遠(yuǎn)離那些涉及到宗教、性、政治和消極性的話題，尤其是你剛剛認(rèn)識(shí)某人的時(shí)候。專注于那些安全的話題，比如愛(ài)好、共同興趣，以及你參加過(guò)的會(huì)議議題。

8. Are you really listening?

你是否真的在傾聽(tīng)?

You’re really just waiting for the other person to stop talking so that you can get your turn. Ha, you’re going to wow them with your speaking skills—who cares what they say?

你其實(shí)只是在等待對(duì)方結(jié)束講話，這樣就輪到你講了。是呀，你會(huì)用你的講話技巧讓他們大為贊賞，誰(shuí)在乎他們?cè)谡f(shuō)什么呢?

Solution: Put your pride on hold and really hear what your talking partner is telling you. Learn to read between the lines. Observe his body language. Avoid asking “yes or no” questions and probe deeper instead. You’re there to listen, not to merely hear。

解決辦法：收起你的驕傲，真正去傾聽(tīng)對(duì)方對(duì)你說(shuō)的話。學(xué)會(huì)解讀，觀察他的肢體語(yǔ)言，避免問(wèn)用是或否來(lái)回答的問(wèn)題，而是更深的探索。你是來(lái)傾聽(tīng)的，而不只是聽(tīng)見(jiàn)。

9. Are you rude to the person you’re talking to?

你是否對(duì)待和你聊天的人很粗魯?

You think you’re better than your talking partner so you don’t think about respecting their opinions. Sure, you use polite language and you mind your manners, but your words offend and your attitude challenges them。

你認(rèn)為你比和你聊天的人要更棒，所以你不去尊重他們的觀點(diǎn)。當(dāng)然，你用語(yǔ)禮貌，舉止文明，但你的話語(yǔ)冒犯了他們，你的態(tài)度是在挑釁。

Solution: How you communicate is better than what you communicate. Before you aim to communicate, aim to respect first。

解決辦法：你溝通的方式比你溝通的內(nèi)容更重要。你在想要溝通之前，要先學(xué)會(huì)尊重。

10. Is your body language driving them away?

你的肢體語(yǔ)言是否把他人趕跑了?

You would like to start communicating with people but no one seems to want to talk to you. Why? Your arms are crossed, you’re slouching and your eyebrows are furrowed—that’s why。

你想要和他人開(kāi)始聊天，但好像沒(méi)有人愿意和你聊。為什么?你抱著雙臂，無(wú)精打采，眉頭緊皺——這就是原因。

Solution: Relax.Communication is all about openness and community. Look at people in the eye. Smile more. Stand up straight. You got this。

解決辦法：放松。交流是關(guān)于坦率和群體的活動(dòng)。眼睛看著對(duì)方，多一些微笑，站直。你就做到了。